What makes for a good friendship/relationship?
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You go through periods of your life where you possibly overanalyse matters, which is probably what I'm doing now. I was thinking about how we put on here what are our interests are and do searches for people accordingly. But friends that I've made in the past have sometimes had nothing in common with myself, but we've just got on when we've been chatting away. Or we've had the odd bit in common. In fact, people I'm most like I've found it more difficult to get on, perhaps with that awkwardness of seeing yourself in the mirror and not being all that comfortable with what you see.
Just interested to find out about other people's stories, how they came across people they developed really good friendships and relationships with and what common areas brought you together? A chance to retell happy memories? |
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Location: Fife
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Interesting question! =)
My last best friend moved in next door to me and we were roughly the same age (one year apart) from similar backgrounds (working class, one parent not very well etc.) We were pretty inseparable for about 11 years, very alike in some ways but small differences and interests - I was very interested in English but quiet and more reserved, whereas she wasn't *as* academic but was more personable and bubbly. We had all the same inside jokes, liked the same films, saw things the same way, hated our hair with the same vengeance, experienced the same bullying, listened to the same music - all that! I even had a spare bed in my bedroom for our sleepovers, haha! =) In our teens we struggled a bit to differ more from each other (I think in an attempt to make boys notice us individually, and not think it was 2-for-1. lol) but it was probably more a lack of being able to relate to each other that ended the friendship. She found a boyfriend and made certain decisions I couldn't understand, acted in a way I never would myself, and wouldn't listen to me when I explained why - and so that contrast from being very alike to suddenly being at odds with each other and not being used to it was the problem. I don't think it matters so much if you're alike or not, just that you know where you stand with someone and you understand the dynamic of it. It's sudden changes in a friendship that cause friction. If you're friends with someone you don't have a lot in common with from the outset, you'll be used to being different from them, seeing things a certain way, maybe even friendly debates or shocked, "You never did!" discussions, but if it sneaks up on you and the dynamic changes then that's when I'd say it goes wrong! That's when you get the "You've changed" arguments. Just my thoughts! =) Personally I prefer looking for people with similar interests and ways. Very confident people often make me feel slightly inadequate! |
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Location: Hertfordshire
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 That could be the longest post i've ever seen here but when you really go back and think about those good times it seems fair and specially when it comes to friends like that  I've never really made friends like that so havent got a story to share but i know where i went wrong and i can now understand things that i couldnt earlier simply because i took my friends for granted interferred too much with their personal matters just cOz i felt it was my right to have an opinion about each and everything that was happening in their lives  but everytime i've made the same mistakes what an idiot i'm every relationship needs its space to grow better just like sand in our hands the tighter we want to hold it the more faster it escapes.Also when we like someone too much and the fear of loosing them is such that i usually try sooo much that i end up acting like a person i'm not and thats where i feel it all goes wrong sometimes Often i fail to understand who likes me coz they show it but never say it loud but still trying to learn how to work it out hopefully i will Understanding everything as our friends do and trying to look at things from their perspective makes us good friends knowing something before they feel the need to verbalise it for us
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Maybe that's another possible post- the evolution of friendships.
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Ha, yeah, sorry! Wrote a novel there. =)
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Glad you wrote it, actually, got me thinking about how important it is to make an effort with friendships when we're changing as people with life experiences.
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Location: Fife
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Definitely. Communication is important when changes like relationships, marriage, moving, children etc. happen. Even the longest and closest of friendships can suffer, sadly.
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What are the differences between friendship and love? When do we call a person our friend? When do we call someone a very good friend? For us, to call anybody a good friend we must have these qualities in the friendship-
If we care for a person If we are always ready to help that person If we share most of our thoughts with a person. We are always sure that our friend understands why we act in a certain way We can always count upon our good friends in an emergency. Are these not the qualities of a good romantic relationship? What is the difference? In romantic love, we are physically attracted to our beloved. Our beloved is also physically attracted towards us. That may not happen in friendship. This is the first difference. For most of us romantic relationships happen because there is something in the other person that magnetically draws us to them. That does not happen in friendship. Friendship and romantic relationship look to be very much like each other, but in reality they are as different as cheese and chalk. If you wish to have your friend as your romantic partner, you need to think again. You may be about to loose a good friend. You may not get a romantic relationship in bargain but only pain may result from this. Better to avoid this. |
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at Dreamer >>> i did like the novel
but would have been better if it had a happy ending to it at Marine >>> friendship is not counting on qualities according to me it is to know each others shortcomings and still love our friends for what they are Whereas in a romantic relationship we look for qualities and reliability and compatibility physical or psychological and we have to put in our effort to make it work  You may get over a break up with your partner but loosing a friend is one thing one can never forget 
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I read an article saying that for men, a relationship is a big boost to his health, but with women it doesn't make much difference. Friendships apparently have more effect upon a woman's health. What do you all think?
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 At my age,a senior citizen of sorts!!having lived a reasonably long and varied life,made many friends and acquaintances over the years,whilst even amassing 2 Marriages!! I rather think I can speak with some authority about friendships/relationships.It is not always that quick flush of having similar tastes,backgrounds,that start off a friendship.There has to be that certain "something special" offering a great base and depth if its to last,no hard and fast rules,just 2 beating hearts finding they sing from the same Hymn sheet!!Whilst one can probably have very many acquaintances as one passes through life,a friend is something totally different,and ultra precious.A friend is like a mirror image of ones self,feels the others fears,pain and heartache as they occur,but can be overjoyed,completely "blown away" when life is great.They are at your side through thick and thin,sunshine and rain.They will never let you down.If one has one such friend in a lifetime you are mightily blessed,if more than one,then surely you are extra specially fortunate?? Husbands,- that are also your best friend is yet something ultra special.This is the friendship that over rides every other friendship.Here is that person who is beside you 24/7;that breathes the same air,eats,sleeps,and is that perfect soul mate,sharing each and every thought,trouble and good fortune.This is the friendship that transcends every other friendship.A rare joy and one worth holding onto with both arms.......and all else!! 
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at Mole - Oh course, we had personality differences, we were different people after all and growing up changes people anyway! It was the bigger things that caused problems - she started acting in a way I saw as irresponsible and she wouldn't talk to me about things, just got all defensive. These things happen.
You're right about some confident people, just putting on an act! It's the ones that badger less self-assured people to be more outgoing that I suppose I avoid. =) |
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i think the main thing is to keep communication going once that ceases up so does a relationship....
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Has to be someone who takes you for who you are [warts and all], doesn't try to change you , judge you, accepts your differences, your beliefs [even if not theirs], keeps your secrets, share dreams with and always be a source if support in times of need... 
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