Baby crazy or not? - Fishing For A Friend Forums

No Longer A Member

Member Posts: 16 Offline

Sunday 17th April 2011, 1:26 PM BST

Hi,

I'm approaching 30 and people of my age seem to have suddenly started having babies, or suddenly started dating after being single for years or/and talking about the possibility of babies after years of not seeming remotely bothered. I feel like there must be something wrong with me, since I'm happy with my partner and not particularly in any rush for children. Is anyone or has anyone been in the same position?

No Longer A Member

Member Posts: 34 Offline

Sunday 17th April 2011, 1:55 PM BST

i dont think theres anything wrong with you if you are happy and in no rush youve still got time if you want a baby.....i was 38 when i had my last child .....

No Longer A Member

Member Posts: 56 Offline

Monday 18th April 2011, 7:55 AM BST

Im not in that position I had my children early and Im now footloose..
My daughter does get some pressure ..she lives with her BF and they have bought a house together (its quite a big house) so shes getting a lot of comments about babies and isnt it time?????

She has been with her partner for about 4 years now but she has no baby desires at all.
She is happy with him and their two cats, yet no matter how often she says that there are still some who say ' oh you will change your mind in a year or two' well maybe she will, but thats for her and her partner to decide not interfering friends and family.

If you are happy the way you are then thats fine..Its your life, live it the way that makes you happy.

carolinemarbles

Member Posts: 90 Location: West Yorkshire Offline

Thursday 21st April 2011, 7:04 AM BST

I was never going to have children. Just wasn't that bothered about babies and couldn't see me doing it. At 37 my life took a complete u-turn when I met my fiance and baby came along. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. I'm sure you'll be happy either way.

XxDaydreamerxX

Member Posts: 22 Location: Fife Offline

Monday 25th April 2011, 10:25 AM BST

My boyfriend is 30 and still thinks of babies as a 'maybe someday' thing. And yet my brother who is 32 is desperate to have children (yet doesn't yet have a girlfriend!). It just depends on the person and their circumstances, I think. Personally, although I'm 21 and still feel *far* too young to think about children (yet my sister had her daughter at 22), I've never really been very maternal or good with kids. It's never been something I see myself doing and there's a few of us in that boat!

Even though there's outside pressure to do the baby thing, at the end of the day it's you and not others that have to deal with all the ups and downs should you choose to.

EmilyK

Member Posts: 6 Location: Shropshire Offline

Tuesday 26th July 2011, 12:47 PM BST

I am 30 now and starting to feel that I 'should' be having children. I think the media has a lot to do with this belief and the medical reasoning behind it.

I sometimes wonder if all the knowledge we have gained medically has actually helped us or not. It actually seems to put more pressure on us to adhere to some stereotype!

I think you need to feel comfortable enough in your own decisions and do what is right for you.

No Longer A Member

Member Posts: 170 Offline

Sunday 25th September 2011, 2:05 PM BSTEdited: November 14 2011, 7:28 PM GMT

For some people its an obsession, I just want to live a lot. My refusal to have kids destroyed my last relationship.

Jayana

Member Posts: 169 Location: Merseyside Offline

Sunday 25th September 2011, 7:55 PM BST

I'm 33 and there is no part of me wanting to have children or worrying that my biological clock is ticking etc. I know for some people it does become an obssession but I really just don't see the appeal.

One day I went into the office next door and I'd had two colleagues in a row go off on maternity leave, and one of the ladies asked when I was going to have one. When I said I wasn't, she said "so are you into dogs and cats then?". I really do despair.

No Longer A Member

Member Posts: 170 Offline

Sunday 25th September 2011, 9:57 PM BST

It's a simple if not profound choice, you want them or not?

I don't, many others don't. Having just sat on a plane for 3 hours and being surrounded by two families that were well off yet looked so miserable, kids screaming, mum looked so tired, my idea of hell. There are so many bad parents it's unbelievable.

No Longer A Member

Member Posts: 1 Offline

Monday 26th September 2011, 2:24 AM BST

There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel,so long as you are genuinley happy inside and comfortable,no rush either.Bringing children into this world in no joke thing either.At my age right now I personally feel comfortable and ready for children ,this is a feeling I have not had all along,solely because I was not mentally ready at thew time.
So I took all precautionary measures to prevent fatherhood at the time.Now I see things different because my mindstate is now mature enough to understand the committment it takes to become a father,a parent and being ain a loving relationship.Only make moves when your heart is in it I guess

Pen2011

Member Posts: 28 Location: Gloucestershire Offline

Monday 26th September 2011, 8:12 AM BST

With me it was a physical 'craving' for a baby. Everybody seemed to have kids or be pregnant! I wasn't a baby sort of person before feeling broody but I'm really glad I had my daughter. I haven't felt broody since then so am happy with my husband and daughter and don't feel the need to expand my family.

Susanne

Member Posts: 1177 Location: Surrey Offline

Monday 26th September 2011, 8:42 AM BST

Pen2011 raises another interesting aspect in the baby making debate: when to have another one? We have got so used to think of family life in terms of 2.0 children. One is manageable and a family with one child is just as much a family as if there were more. So if the thought of a future family holiday with the rear of the car packed full of small limbs and lots of clutter gives you the creeps and makes you think otherwise, allow yourself to imagine to have one child and it may change your perspective.

Pianoman

Member Posts: 276 Location: West Yorkshire Offline

Monday 26th September 2011, 9:20 AM BST

Hi, interesting.

Guess it is something that plays on your mind, different for everyone. I am single but even still I don't want children yet just not the right time.

I have a friend 26 who says she is going to have all her children before 30 where as another says not before 35.

Something I think about is the cost, I couldn't afford it and I think about all my Mum has done for me financially and think wow that's amazing.

It may be something you want later or may be you won't, it doesn't make you strange. Another of my friends says she never wants children, mixed views all around.

No Longer A Member

Member Posts: 170 Offline

Monday 26th September 2011, 1:26 PM BST

My brother wants a second kid, but just simply cany afford it. He moaned that tax credits dont support him enough. Bro and wife have 2 well paid jobs but still cant afford it. I wonder if people use this excuse to protect their materialistic consumption, whats more important money or children? Whilst many may genuinely not be able to afford it, many can but prioritise their new car sofa etc.

I also think us none parents should not have to subsidise the materialistic consumption of others. Schools hospitals etc, absolutely happy to be taxed for the good of others, anything else, no way.

GardenPot

Member Posts: 78 Location: Lincolnshire Offline

Monday 26th September 2011, 4:07 PM BST

I read all your comments with interest. I think having a child is something you either want to do or not. Peer pressure has happened throughout the ages.
Personally I was a mum at 22, and had four children by the time I was 25. This was a choice my husband and I made and never regretted although there were hard times as well as good times.
Now they are all grown and three of them have children of their own, and whilst the fourth would love to have a child he has not found the right person to share his life and hopes with. Someday I hope things will turn out for him.
My advice to them was not to think about having children until they were over twenty five but it fell on deaf ears, but I am grateful for my six grandchildren.

Author	Posts
No Longer A Member Member Posts: 16 Offline	Sunday 17th April 2011, 1:26 PM BST Hi, I'm approaching 30 and people of my age seem to have suddenly started having babies, or suddenly started dating after being single for years or/and talking about the possibility of babies after years of not seeming remotely bothered. I feel like there must be something wrong with me, since I'm happy with my partner and not particularly in any rush for children. Is anyone or has anyone been in the same position?


No Longer A Member Member Posts: 34 Offline	Sunday 17th April 2011, 1:55 PM BST i dont think theres anything wrong with you if you are happy and in no rush youve still got time if you want a baby.....i was 38 when i had my last child .....


No Longer A Member Member Posts: 56 Offline	Monday 18th April 2011, 7:55 AM BST Im not in that position I had my children early and Im now footloose.. My daughter does get some pressure ..she lives with her BF and they have bought a house together (its quite a big house) so shes getting a lot of comments about babies and isnt it time????? She has been with her partner for about 4 years now but she has no baby desires at all. She is happy with him and their two cats, yet no matter how often she says that there are still some who say ' oh you will change your mind in a year or two' well maybe she will, but thats for her and her partner to decide not interfering friends and family. If you are happy the way you are then thats fine..Its your life, live it the way that makes you happy.


carolinemarbles Member Posts: 90 Location: West Yorkshire Offline	Thursday 21st April 2011, 7:04 AM BST I was never going to have children. Just wasn't that bothered about babies and couldn't see me doing it. At 37 my life took a complete u-turn when I met my fiance and baby came along. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. I'm sure you'll be happy either way.


XxDaydreamerxX Member Posts: 22 Location: Fife Offline	Monday 25th April 2011, 10:25 AM BST My boyfriend is 30 and still thinks of babies as a 'maybe someday' thing. And yet my brother who is 32 is desperate to have children (yet doesn't yet have a girlfriend!). It just depends on the person and their circumstances, I think. Personally, although I'm 21 and still feel far too young to think about children (yet my sister had her daughter at 22), I've never really been very maternal or good with kids. It's never been something I see myself doing and there's a few of us in that boat! Even though there's outside pressure to do the baby thing, at the end of the day it's you and not others that have to deal with all the ups and downs should you choose to.


EmilyK Member Posts: 6 Location: Shropshire Offline	Tuesday 26th July 2011, 12:47 PM BST I am 30 now and starting to feel that I 'should' be having children. I think the media has a lot to do with this belief and the medical reasoning behind it. I sometimes wonder if all the knowledge we have gained medically has actually helped us or not. It actually seems to put more pressure on us to adhere to some stereotype! I think you need to feel comfortable enough in your own decisions and do what is right for you.


No Longer A Member Member Posts: 170 Offline	Sunday 25th September 2011, 2:05 PM BSTEdited: November 14 2011, 7:28 PM GMT For some people its an obsession, I just want to live a lot. My refusal to have kids destroyed my last relationship.


Jayana Member Posts: 169 Location: Merseyside Offline	Sunday 25th September 2011, 7:55 PM BST I'm 33 and there is no part of me wanting to have children or worrying that my biological clock is ticking etc. I know for some people it does become an obssession but I really just don't see the appeal. One day I went into the office next door and I'd had two colleagues in a row go off on maternity leave, and one of the ladies asked when I was going to have one. When I said I wasn't, she said "so are you into dogs and cats then?". I really do despair.


No Longer A Member Member Posts: 170 Offline	Sunday 25th September 2011, 9:57 PM BST It's a simple if not profound choice, you want them or not? I don't, many others don't. Having just sat on a plane for 3 hours and being surrounded by two families that were well off yet looked so miserable, kids screaming, mum looked so tired, my idea of hell. There are so many bad parents it's unbelievable.




No Longer A Member Member Posts: 1 Offline	Monday 26th September 2011, 2:24 AM BST There is absolutely nothing wrong with how you feel,so long as you are genuinley happy inside and comfortable,no rush either.Bringing children into this world in no joke thing either.At my age right now I personally feel comfortable and ready for children ,this is a feeling I have not had all along,solely because I was not mentally ready at thew time. So I took all precautionary measures to prevent fatherhood at the time.Now I see things different because my mindstate is now mature enough to understand the committment it takes to become a father,a parent and being ain a loving relationship.Only make moves when your heart is in it I guess


Pen2011 Member Posts: 28 Location: Gloucestershire Offline	Monday 26th September 2011, 8:12 AM BST With me it was a physical 'craving' for a baby. Everybody seemed to have kids or be pregnant! I wasn't a baby sort of person before feeling broody but I'm really glad I had my daughter. I haven't felt broody since then so am happy with my husband and daughter and don't feel the need to expand my family.


Susanne Member Posts: 1177 Location: Surrey Offline	Monday 26th September 2011, 8:42 AM BST Pen2011 raises another interesting aspect in the baby making debate: when to have another one? We have got so used to think of family life in terms of 2.0 children. One is manageable and a family with one child is just as much a family as if there were more. So if the thought of a future family holiday with the rear of the car packed full of small limbs and lots of clutter gives you the creeps and makes you think otherwise, allow yourself to imagine to have one child and it may change your perspective.


Pianoman Member Posts: 276 Location: West Yorkshire Offline	Monday 26th September 2011, 9:20 AM BST Hi, interesting. Guess it is something that plays on your mind, different for everyone. I am single but even still I don't want children yet just not the right time. I have a friend 26 who says she is going to have all her children before 30 where as another says not before 35. Something I think about is the cost, I couldn't afford it and I think about all my Mum has done for me financially and think wow that's amazing. It may be something you want later or may be you won't, it doesn't make you strange. Another of my friends says she never wants children, mixed views all around.


No Longer A Member Member Posts: 170 Offline	Monday 26th September 2011, 1:26 PM BST My brother wants a second kid, but just simply cany afford it. He moaned that tax credits dont support him enough. Bro and wife have 2 well paid jobs but still cant afford it. I wonder if people use this excuse to protect their materialistic consumption, whats more important money or children? Whilst many may genuinely not be able to afford it, many can but prioritise their new car sofa etc. I also think us none parents should not have to subsidise the materialistic consumption of others. Schools hospitals etc, absolutely happy to be taxed for the good of others, anything else, no way.


GardenPot Member Posts: 78 Location: Lincolnshire Offline	Monday 26th September 2011, 4:07 PM BST I read all your comments with interest. I think having a child is something you either want to do or not. Peer pressure has happened throughout the ages. Personally I was a mum at 22, and had four children by the time I was 25. This was a choice my husband and I made and never regretted although there were hard times as well as good times. Now they are all grown and three of them have children of their own, and whilst the fourth would love to have a child he has not found the right person to share his life and hopes with. Someday I hope things will turn out for him. My advice to them was not to think about having children until they were over twenty five but it fell on deaf ears, but I am grateful for my six grandchildren.