Fishing For A Friend

You’ve been through a lot recently, poor GardenPot, and I feel for you. Life is a constant process of saying hello and good-bye, although I have noticed that we 21st century humans have stopped being very good at sharing our letting-go, talking about death or severe illness that will end a life quite soon. In fact death has become very discreet, managed and hidden.

I’m going through a similar experience from time to time when friends ask me how my brother was doing? I find it best to come straight out with the truth and elaborate a bit to help them over their own shock: I say that he surprised us all by dying last November and that I had been to scatter the ashes in January on his farm land and that I managed to meet all the people that played a role in his life sitting with them at a huge table in a Greek restaurant until late into the night. What else can I answer? It’s all part of life.

hi i really empathise with your situation,
its somthing no one wishes to or expects to go thru.
its going to take time to adjust.. and even more time to come to terms with. time is the greatest and only really healer, and although the memorys will never be forgoton over time the pain will reduce greatly.

the only thing you can do is talk talk and talk. and with the friends and support of your family and loved ones you will make it thru in the end.

if you ever need a friendly ear im more then happy to listen at any time.

and im really sorry to hear of your loss same goes to you Hails and Susanne im here to listen if anyone ever needs it.

and my thoughts are with all of you

Hi Gardenpot, i haven't spoken to you yet in the lounge, but i'd like you to know you are not alone, last year my husband lost his mum on xmas eve, his dad on mothers day, his brother who was only 2 years older than my hubby. He did not have the heart, to make the funeral arrangements, so it was down to me, to do it for him, it still haunts me to this day. I guess what i am trying to say, is that if ever you need someone, to talk to outside of your family,
just come into the lounge, any night after 8.pm, i will be there, and if you would rather, we could always go to, a one-to-one chat room, and talk more private there, my heart goe's out to you, but keep your chin up keep smiling, you are not alone.

Wishing you all the best,

Twiggy246

Hello..

first of all, I would just like to send my deepest sympathies for your loss, it must be very difficult for you at this time.. (((hugs))))

it must be difficult going out and bumping into people and have them ask about your partner.. my advice is maybe ask friends and family who already know to pass the news onto neighbours and other friends.. saves you having to do it (one option)

or..have a hot bath, relax, sit down and write a letter to those that dont know about your situation, this will give you an opportunity to release some grief, come to terms with whats happening and also inform people at the same time.

it takes time for this kind of news to travel, my mum bumped into an old/ex neighbour and asked about her husband, only to be told he had passed away three years before, my mum was mortified, but our neighbour was lovely about it all.

as for your loss... no one can confort you and make you feel better about what has happened, it takes time to heal and move on, and they will always be apart of your life...

make sure you wake up each morning with a fresh outlook, have a shower, get dressed, and go for a daily walk, make sure you are a part of the world around you, join some local groups depending on your age and interests, make new friends to interact with, keep regular contact with friends and family but have the occaisional "Quiet time" to yourself, where you sit, maybe look at photos, and remember your partner, maybe visit their grave, have a little cry if thats how you feel, its better out than in... but dont dwell on things too long... allow some time to grieve and ajust to your situation hunni...

this advice comes from the heart, how useful it is I have no idea, but it is sent with good intentions and lots of heartfelt warmth..

love shelley xxx

your welcome hunni xx

take it slow, one day at a time like the rest of us xx

hugs xx

What loving and caring replies you are getting here GP. I lost a son aged 13, and my realisation is that the old saying 'Tine is a great healer' is not necessarily so. The actual fact is that as human beings we learn to accept the things we cannot change. In 21st century, we do have a lot of options about life, but there are still some very sad and lonely facts that we cannot change no matter how much we might want to. I imagine you have or are going through the period of time when you wake in the morning and feel for just a few heart beats that everything is OK and then reality kicks in and you remember it is not OK and you feel it will never be Ok again.
Be strong. My son is my screen saver on my phone - he has been gone almost 15 years but little rituals like putting up his christmas stocking, keep him part of all our lives.

I send you the biggest of hugs my dear.

Voirrey xxxx

after the initial pain there is usually the feeling of emptiness and denial...but as time goes we slowly accept the reality and cherish the bittersweet memories of our lost loved ones...i believe i will c mine again and until then i shall take whatever joy this life can bring me yet...lost my boyfriend 10yrs ago and 3 months after that our baby...feel for u with all my heart